刎頸之交

friends sworn to death

Returning from a hunting trip, I waited at the little town of Los Pinos, in New Mexico, for the south-bound train, which was one hour late. I sat on the porch of the Summit House and discussed the functions of life with Telemachus Hicks, the hotel proprietor.

Perceiving that personalities were not out of order, I asked him what species of beast had long ago twisted and mutilated his left ear. Being a hunter, I was concerned in the evils that may befall one in the pursuit of game.

"That ear," says Hicks, "is the relic of true friendship."

"An accident?" I persisted.

"No friendship is an accident," said Telemachus; and I was silent.

"The only perfect case of true friendship I ever knew," went on my host, "was a cordial intent between a Connecticut man and a monkey. The monkey climbed palms in Barranquilla and threw down cocoanuts to the man. The man sawed them in two and made dippers, which he sold for two reales each and bought rum. The monkey drank the milk of the nuts. Through each being satisfied with his own share of the graft, they lived like brothers.

"But in the case of human beings, friendship is a transitory art, subject to discontinuance without further notice.

"I had a friend once, of the entitlement of Paisley Fish, that I imagined was sealed to me for an endless space of time. Side by side for seven years we had mined, ranched, sold patent churns, herded sheep, took photographs and other things, built wire fences, and picked prunes. Thinks I, neither homocide nor flattery nor riches nor sophistry nor drink can make trouble between me and Paisley Fish. We was friends an amount you could hardly guess at. We was friends in business, and we let our amicable qualities lap over and season our hours of recreation and folly. We certainly had days of Damon and nights of Pythias.

"One summer me and Paisley gallops down into these San Andres mountains for the purpose of a month's surcease and levity, dressed in the natural store habiliments of man. We hit this town of Los Pinos, which certainly was a roof-garden spot of the world, and flowing with condensed milk and honey. It had a street or two, and air, and hens, and a eating-house; and that was enough for us.

"We strikes the town after supper-time, and we concludes to sample whatever efficacy there is in this eating-house down by the railroad tracks. By the time we had set down and pried up our plates with a knife from the red oil-cloth, along intrudes Widow Jessup with the hot biscuit and the fried liver.

"Now, there was a woman that would have tempted an anchovy to forget his vows. She was not so small as she was large; and a kind of welcome air seemed to mitigate her vicinity. The pink of her face was the in hoc signo of a culinary temper and a warm disposition, and her smile would have brought out the dogwood blossoms in December.

"Widow Jessup talks to us a lot of garrulousness about the climate and history and Tennyson and prunes and the scarcity of mutton, and finally wants to know where we came from.

"'Spring Valley,' says I.

"'Big Spring Valley,' chips in Paisley, out of a lot of potatoes and knuckle-bone of ham in his mouth.

"That was the first sign I noticed that the old fidus Diogenes business between me and Paisley Fish was ended forever. He knew how I hated a talkative person, and yet he stampedes into the conversation with his amendments and addendums of syntax. On the map it was Big Spring Valley; but I had heard Paisley himself call it Spring Valley a thousand times.

"Without saying any more, we went out after supper and set on the railroad track. We had been pardners too long not to know what was going on in each other's mind.

"'I reckon you understand,' says Paisley, 'that I've made up my mind to accrue that widow woman as part and parcel in and to my hereditaments forever, both domestic, sociable, legal, and otherwise, until death us do part.'

"'Why, yes,' says I, 'I read it between the lines, though you only spoke one. And I suppose you are aware,' says I, 'that I have a movement on foot that leads up to the widow's changing her name to Hicks, and leaves you writing to the society column to inquire whether the best man wears a japonica or seamless socks at the wedding!'

"'There'll be some hiatuses in your program,' says Paisley, chewing up a piece of a railroad tie. 'I'd give in to you,' says he, 'in 'most any respect if it was secular affairs, but this is not so. The smiles of woman,' goes on Paisley, 'is the whirlpool of Squills and Chalybeates, into which vortex the good ship Friendship is often drawn and dismembered. I'd assault a bear that was annoying you,' says Paisley, 'or I'd endorse your note, or rub the place between your shoulder-blades with opodeldoc the same as ever; but there my sense of etiquette ceases. In this fracas with Mrs. Jessup we play it alone. I've notified you fair.'

"And then I collaborates with myself, and offers the following resolutions and by-laws:

"'Friendship between man and man,' says I, 'is an ancient historical virtue enacted in the days when men had to protect each other against lizards with eighty-foot tails and flying turtles. And they've kept up the habit to this day, and stand by each other till the bellboy comes up and tells them the animals are not really there. I've often heard,' I says, 'about ladies stepping in and breaking up a friendship between men. Why should that be? I'll tell you, Paisley, the first sight and hot biscuit of Mrs. Jessup appears to have inserted a oscillation into each of our bosoms. Let the best man of us have her. I'll play you a square game, and won't do any underhanded work. I'll do all of my courting of her in your presence, so you will have an equal opportunity. With that arrangement I don't see why our steamboat of friendship should fall overboard in the medicinal whirlpools you speak of, whichever of us wins out.'

"'Good old hoss!' says Paisley, shaking my hand. 'And I'll do the same,' says he. 'We'll court the lady synonymously, and without any of the prudery and bloodshed usual to such occasions. And we'll be friends still, win or lose.'

"At one side of Mrs. Jessup's eating-house was a bench under some trees where she used to sit in the breeze after the south-bound had been fed and gone. And there me and Paisley used to congregate after supper and make partial payments on our respects to the lady of our choice. And we was so honorable and circuitous in our calls that if one of us got there first we waited for the other before beginning any gallivantery.

"The first evening that Mrs. Jessup knew about our arrangement I got to the bench before Paisley did. Supper was just over, and Mrs. Jessup was out there with a fresh pink dress on, and almost cool enough to handle.

"I sat down by her and made a few specifications about the moral surface of nature as set forth by the landscape and the contiguous perspective. That evening was surely a case in point. The moon was attending to business in the section of sky where it belonged, and the trees was making shadows on the ground according to science and nature, and there was a kind of conspicuous hullabaloo going on in the bushes between the bullbats and the orioles and the jack-rabbits and other feathered insects of the forest. And the wind out of the mountains was singing like a Jew's-harp in the pile of old tomato-cans by the railroad track.

"I felt a kind of sensation in my left side--something like dough rising in a crock by the fire. Mrs. Jessup had moved up closer.

"'Oh, Mr. Hicks,' says she, 'when one is alone in the world, don't they feel it more aggravated on a beautiful night like this?'

"I rose up off the bench at once.

"'Excuse me, ma'am,' says I, 'but I'll have to wait till Paisley comes before I can give a audible hearing to leading questions like that.'

"And then I explained to her how we was friends cinctured by years of embarrassment and travel and complicity, and how we had agreed to take no advantage of each other in any of the more mushy walks of life, such as might be fomented by sentiment and proximity. Mrs. Jessup appears to think serious about the matter for a minute, and then she breaks into a species of laughter that makes the wildwood resound.

"In a few minutes Paisley drops around, with oil of bergamot on his hair, and sits on the other side of Mrs. Jessup, and inaugurates a sad tale of adventure in which him and Pieface Lumley has a skinning-match of dead cows in '95 for a silver-mounted saddle in the Santa Rita valley during the nine months' drought.

"Now, from the start of that courtship I had Paisley Fish hobbled and tied to a post. Each one of us had a different system of reaching out for the easy places in the female heart. Paisley's scheme was to petrify 'em with wonderful relations of events that he had either come across personally or in large print. I think he must have got his idea of subjugation from one of Shakespeare's shows I see once called 'Othello.' There is a coloured man in it who acquires a duke's daughter by disbursing to her a mixture of the talk turned out by Rider Haggard, Lew Dockstader, and Dr. Parkhurst. But that style of courting don't work well off the stage.

"Now, I give you my own recipe for inveigling a woman into that state of affairs when she can be referred to as 'nee Jones.' Learn how to pick up her hand and hold it, and she's yours. It ain't so easy. Some men grab at it so much like they was going to set a dislocation of the shoulder that you can smell the arnica and hear 'em tearing off bandages. Some take it up like a hot horseshoe, and hold it off at arm's length like a druggist pouring tincture of asafoetida in a bottle. And most of 'em catch hold of it and drag it right out before the lady's eyes like a boy finding a baseball in the grass, without giving her a chance to forget that the hand is growing on the end of her arm. Them ways are all wrong.

"I'll tell you the right way. Did you ever see a man sneak out in the back yard and pick up a rock to throw at a tomcat that was sitting on a fence looking at him? He pretends he hasn't got a thing in his hand, and that the cat don't see him, and that he don't see the cat. That's the idea. Never drag her hand out where she'll have to take notice of it. Don't let her know that you think she knows you have the least idea she is aware you are holding her hand. That was my rule of tactics; and as far as Paisley's serenade about hostilities and misadventure went, he might as well have been reading to her a time- table of the Sunday trains that stop at Ocean Grove, New Jersey.

"One night when I beat Paisley to the bench by one pipeful, my friendship gets subsidised for a minute, and I asks Mrs. Jessup if she didn't think a 'H' was easier to write than a 'J.' In a second her head was mashing the oleander flower in my button-hole, and I leaned over and--but I didn't.

"'If you don't mind,' says I, standing up, 'we'll wait for Paisley to come before finishing this. I've never done anything dishonourable yet to our friendship, and this won't be quite fair.'

"'Mr. Hicks,' says Mrs. Jessup, looking at me peculiar in the dark, 'if it wasn't for but one thing, I'd ask you to hike yourself down the gulch and never disresume your visits to my house.'

"'And what is that, ma'am?' I asks.

"'You are too good a friend not to make a good husband,' says she.

"In five minutes Paisley was on his side of Mrs. Jessup.

"'In Silver City, in the summer of '98,' he begins, 'I see Jim Batholomew chew off a Chinaman's ear in the Blue Light Saloon on account of a crossbarred muslin shirt that--what was that noise?'

"I had resumed matters again with Mrs. Jessup right where we had left off.

"'Mrs. Jessup,' says I, 'has promised to make it Hicks. And this is another of the same sort.'

"Paisley winds his feet round a leg of the bench and kind of groans.

"'Lem,' says he, 'we been friends for seven years. Would you mind not kissing Mrs. Jessup quite so loud? I'd do the same for you.'

"'All right,' says I. 'The other kind will do as well.'

"'This Chinaman,' goes on Paisley, 'was the one that shot a man named Mullins in the spring of '97, and that was--'

"Paisley interrupted himself again.

"'Lem,' says he, 'if you was a true friend you wouldn't hug Mrs. Jessup quite so hard. I felt the bench shake all over just then. You know you told me you would give me an even chance as long as there was any.'

"'Mr. Man,' says Mrs. Jessup, turning around to Paisley, 'if you was to drop in to the celebration of mine and Mr. Hicks's silver wedding, twenty-five years from now, do you think you could get it into that Hubbard squash you call your head that you are nix cum rous in this business? I've put up with you a long time because you was Mr. Hicks's friend; but it seems to me it's time for you to wear the willow and trot off down the hill.'

"'Mrs. Jessup,' says I, without losing my grasp on the situation as fiance, 'Mr. Paisley is my friend, and I offered him a square deal and a equal opportunity as long as there was a chance.'

"'A chance!' says she. 'Well, he may think he has a chance; but I hope he won't think he's got a cinch, after what he's been next to all the evening.'

"Well, a month afterwards me and Mrs. Jessup was married in the Los Pinos Methodist Church; and the whole town closed up to see the performance.

"When we lined up in front and the preacher was beginning to sing out his rituals and observances, I looks around and misses Paisley. I calls time on the preacher. 'Paisley ain't here,' says I. 'We've got to wait for Paisley. A friend once, a friend always--that's Telemachus Hicks,' says I. Mrs. Jessup's eyes snapped some; but the preacher holds up the incantations according to instructions.

"In a few minutes Paisley gallops up the aisle, putting on a cuff as he comes. He explains that the only dry-goods store in town was closed for the wedding, and he couldn't get the kind of a boiled shirt that his taste called for until he had broke open the back window of the store and helped himself. Then he ranges up on the other side of the bride, and the wedding goes on. I always imagined that Paisley calculated as a last chance that the preacher might marry him to the widow by mistake.

"After the proceedings was over we had tea and jerked antelope and canned apricots, and then the populace hiked itself away. Last of all Paisley shook me by the hand and told me I'd acted square and on the level with him and he was proud to call me a friend.

"The preacher had a small house on the side of the street that he'd fixed up to rent; and he allowed me and Mrs. Hicks to occupy it till the ten-forty train the next morning, when we was going on a bridal tour to El Paso. His wife had decorated it all up with hollyhocks and poison ivy, and it looked real festal and bowery.

"About ten o'clock that night I sets down in the front door and pulls off my boots a while in the cool breeze, while Mrs. Hicks was fixing around in the room. Right soon the light went out inside; and I sat there a while reverberating over old times and scenes. And then I heard Mrs. Hicks call out, 'Ain't you coming in soon, Lem?'

"'Well, well!' says I, kind of rousing up. 'Durn me if I wasn't waiting for old Paisley to--'

"But when I got that far," concluded Telemachus Hicks, "I thought somebody had shot this left ear of mine off with a forty-five. But it turned out to be only a lick from a broomhandle in the hands of Mrs. Hicks."

我狩獵歸來，的洛斯比尼奧斯小鎮等候南下的火車。火車誤點，遲了一小時。我便坐在“頂點”客棧的陽台上，同客棧老闆閑聊，議論生活的意義。

我發現他的性情並不乖戾，不像是愛打架鬥毆的人，便問他是哪種野獸傷殘了他的左耳。程序邏輯獵人，我認為狩獵時很容易遭到這類不幸的事件。

“那隻耳朵，”希克斯說，“是真摯友情的紀念。”

“一件意外嗎？”我追問道。

“友情怎麼能說是意外呢？”泰勒馬格斯反問道，這下子可把我問住了。

“我所知道的僅有的一對親密無間，真心實意的朋友，”客棧老闆接著說，“要算是一個康涅狄格州人和一隻猴子了。猴子在巴蘭基利亞爬椰子樹，把椰子摘下來扔給那個人。那個人把椰子鋸成兩片，做成水勺，每隻賣兩個雷阿爾，換了錢來沽酒。椰子汁歸猴子喝。他們兩個坐地分贓，各得其所，像兄弟一般，生活得非常和睦。

[巴蘭基利亞：哥倫比亞北部馬格達萊納河口的港市。]

[雷阿爾：舊時西班牙和拉丁美洲某些國家用的輔幣，有銀質的，也有鎳質的。]

“換了人類，情況就不同了；友情變幻無常，隨時可以宣告失效，不現另行通知。

“以前我有個朋友，名叫佩斯利·菲什，我認為我同他的交情是地久天長，牢不可破的。有七年了，我們一起挖礦，辦牧場，兜銷專利的攪乳器，放羊，攝影，打樁拉鐵絲網，摘水果當臨時工，碰到什麼就幹什麼。我想，我同佩斯利兩人的感情是什麼都離間不了的，不管它是兇殺，諂諛，財富，詭辯或者老酒。我們交情這深簡直使你難以想象。幹事業的時候，我們是朋友；休息娛樂的時候，我們也讓這種和睦相好的特色持續下去，給我們的生活增添了不少樂趣。不論白天黑夜，我們都難捨難分，好比達蒙和派西斯。

[達蒙和派西斯：公元前四世紀錫拉丘茲的兩個朋友。派西斯被暴君狄奧尼西斯判處死刑，要求回家料理後事，由達蒙代受監禁。執行死刑之日，派西斯及時趕回，狄奧尼西斯為他們崇高的友誼所感動，便赦免了他們。]

“有一年夏天，我和佩斯利兩人打扮得整整齊齊，騎馬來到這聖安德烈斯山區，打算休養一個月，消遣消遣。我們到了這個洛斯比尼奧斯小鎮，這裡簡直算得上是世界的屋頂花園，是流煉乳和蜂蜜之地。這裡空氣新鮮，有一兩條街道，有雞可吃，有客棧可住；我們需要的也就是這些東西。

[流煉乳和蜂蜜之地：《舊約》記載：上帝遣摩西率以色列人出埃及，前往豐饒的迦南，即流奶與蜜之地。]

“我們進鎮時，天色已晚，便決定在鐵路旁邊的這家客棧里歇歇腳，嘗嘗它所能供應的任何東西。我們剛坐定，用刀把粘在紅油布上的盤子撬起來，寡婦傑塞普就端著剛出爐的熱麵包和炸肝進來了。

“哎呀，這個女人叫鰹魚看了都會動心。她長得不肥不瘦，不高不矮；一副和藹的樣子，使人覺得分外可親。紅潤的臉頰是她喜愛烹調和為人熱情的標誌，她的微笑叫山茱萸在寒冬臘月都會開花。

“寡婦傑塞普談風很健地同我們扯了起來，聊著天氣，歷史，丁尼生，梅干，以及不容易買到羊肉等等，最後才問我們是從哪兒來的。

“‘春谷。’我回答說。

“‘大春谷。’佩斯利嘴裡塞滿了土豆和火腿骨頭，突然插進來說。

“我注意到，這件事的發生標誌著我同佩斯利·菲什的忠誠友誼的結束。他明知我最恨多嘴的人，可還是冒冒失失地插了嘴，替我作了一些措辭上的修正和補充。地圖上的名稱固然是大春谷；然而佩斯利自己也管它叫春谷，我聽了不下一千遍。

“我們也不多話，吃了晚飯便走出客棧，在鐵軌上坐定。我們合夥的時間太長了，不可能不了解彼此的心情。

“‘我想你總該明白，’佩斯利說，‘我已經打定主意，要讓那位寡婦太太永遠成為我的不動產的主要部分，在家庭、社會、法律等等方面都是如此，到死為止。’

“‘當然啦，’我說，‘你雖然只說了一句話，我已經聽到了弦外之音。不過我想你也該明白，’我說，‘我準備採取步驟，讓那位寡婦改姓希克斯，我勸你還是等著寫信給報紙的社會新聞欄，問問舉行婚禮時，男儐相是不是在鈕扣孔里插了山茶花，穿了無縫絲襪！’

“‘你的如意算盤打錯了。’佩斯利嚼著一片鐵路枕木屑說。‘遇到世俗的事情，’他說，‘我幾乎任什麼都可以讓步，這件事可不行。女人的笑靨，’佩斯利繼續說，‘是海蔥和含鐵礦泉的漩渦，友誼之船雖然結實，碰上它也往往要撞碎沉沒。我像以前一樣，’佩斯利說，‘願意同一頭招惹你的狗熊拚命，替你的借據擔保，用肥皂樟腦搽劑替你擦脊樑；但是在這件事情上，我可不能講客氣。在同傑塞普太太打交道這件事上，我們只能各干各的了。我醜話說在前頭，先跟你講清楚。’

[“是海蔥和含鐵礦泉的漩渦”：原文是“the whirlpool of Squills and Chalybeates”。英文成語有“between Scylla and Charybdis”，意為危險之地。“Scylla”是義大利墨西那海峽的岩礁，讀音與海蔥的拉丁名“Scilla”相近；“Charybdis”是它對面的大漩渦，讀音與含水量鐵礦泉“Chalybeate”相近，作者故意混淆了這兩個字。]

“於是，我暗自尋思一番，提出了下面的結論和附則：

“‘男人與男人的友誼，’我說，‘是一種古老的，具有歷史意義的美德。當男人們互相保護，共同對抗尾巴有八十英尺長的蜥蜴和會飛的海鱉時，這種美德就已經制定了。他們把這種習慣一直保留到今天，一直在互相支持，直到旅館侍者跑來告訴他們說，這種動物實際上不存在。我常聽人說，’我說，‘女人牽涉進來之後，男人之間的交情就破裂了。為什麼要這樣呢？我告訴你吧，佩斯利，傑塞普太太的出現和她的熱麵包，彷彿使我們兩人的心都怦然跳動了。讓我們中間更棒的一個贏得她吧。我要跟你公平交易，決不搞不光明正大的小動作。我追求她的時候，一舉一動都要當著你的面，那你的機會也就均等了。這樣安排，無論哪一個得手，我想我們的友誼大輪船決不至於翻在你所說的藥水氣味十足的漩渦里了。’

“‘這才夠朋友！’佩斯利握握我的手說。‘我一定照樣辦事。’他說。‘我們齊頭並進，同時追求那位太太，不讓通常那種虛假和流血的事情發生，無論成敗，我們仍是朋友。’

“傑塞普太太客棧旁的幾侏樹下有一條長凳，等南行火車上的乘客打過尖，離開之後，她就坐在那裡乘涼。晚飯後，我和佩斯利在那裡集合，分頭向我們的意中人獻殷勤。我們追求的方式很光明正大，瞻前顧後，如果一個先到，非得等另一個也來了之後才開始調情。

“傑塞普太太知道我們的安排后的第一晚，我比佩斯利先到了長凳那兒晚飯剛開過，傑塞普太太換了一套乾淨的粉紅色的衣服在那兒乘涼，並且涼得幾乎可以對付了。

“我在她身邊坐下，稍稍發表了一些意見，談到自然界通過近景和遠景所表現出來的精神面貌。那晚確實是一個典型的環境。月亮升到空中應有的地方來應景湊趣，樹木根據科學原理和自然規律把影子灑在地上，灌木叢中的蚊母鳥、金鶯、長耳兔和別的有羽毛的昆蟲此起彼伏地發出一片喧嘈聲。山間吹業的微風，掠過鐵軌旁邊一堆舊蕃茄醬罐頭，發出了小口琴似的聲音。

“我覺得左邊有什麼東西在蠢蠢欲動——正如火爐旁邊瓦罐里的麵糰在發酵。原來是傑塞普太太挨近了一些。

“‘哦，希克斯先生，’她說，‘一個舉目無親、孤獨寂寞的人，在這樣一個美麗的夜晚，是不是更會感情以凄涼？’

“我趕緊從長凳上站起來。

“‘對不起，夫人，’我說，‘對於這樣一個富於誘導性的問題，我得等佩斯利來了以後，才能公開答覆。’

“接著，我向她解釋，我和佩斯利·菲什是老朋友，多年的甘苦與共、浪跡江湖和同謀關係，已經使我們的友誼牢不可破；如今我們正處在生活的纏綿階段，我們商妥決不乘一時感情衝動和近水樓台的機會互相鑽空子。傑塞普太太彷彿鄭重其事地把這件事考慮了一會兒，忽然哈哈大笑，周圍的林子都響起了回聲。

“沒幾分鐘，佩斯利也來了，他頭上抹了香檸檬油，在傑塞普太太的另一邊坐下，開始講一段悲慘的冒險事迹：一八九五年聖麗塔山谷連旱了九個月，牛群一批批地死去，他同扁臉拉姆利比賽剝牛皮，賭一隻鑲銀的馬鞍。

“那場追求一開頭，我就比垮了佩斯利·菲什，弄得他束手無策。我們兩人各有一套打動女人內心弱點的辦法。佩斯利的辦法是講一些他親身體驗的，或是從通俗書刊里看來的驚險事迹，嚇唬女人。我猜想，他準是從莎士比亞的一齣戲里學到那種懾服女人的主意的。那齣戲叫‘奧賽羅’，我以前也看過，裡面是說一個黑人，把賴德·哈格德、盧·多克斯塔德和帕克赫斯特博士三個人的話語混雜起來，講給一位公爵的女兒聽，把她弄到了手。可是那種求愛方式下了舞台就不中用了。

[賴德·哈格德（1856--1925）：英國小說家，作品多以南非蠻荒為背景；帕克赫斯特博士（1842--1933）：美國長老會牧師，攻擊紐約腐敗的市政甚力，促使市長改選。]

“我告訴你，我自己是怎樣迷住一個女人，使她落到改姓的地步的。你只要懂得怎麼抓起她的手，把它握住，她就成了你的人。講講固然容易，做起來並不簡單。有的男人使勁拉住女人的手，彷彿要把脫臼的肩胛骨複位一樣，簡直叫你可以聞到山金車酊劑的氣味，聽到撕繃帶的聲音了。有的男人像拿一塊燒燙的馬蹄鐵那樣握著女人的手，又像藥劑師把阿魏酊往瓶里灌時那樣，伸直手臂，隔得遠遠的。大多數男人握到了女人的手，便把它拉到她眼皮下面，像小孩在草里尋找棒球似的，不讓她忘掉她的手長在胳臂上。這種種方式都是錯誤的。

“我把正確的方式告訴你吧。你可曾見過一個人偷偷地溜進後院，撿起一塊石頭，想扔一隻蹲在籬笆上盯著他直瞧的公貓？他假裝手裡沒有東西，假裝貓沒有看見他，他也沒有看見貓。就是那麼一回事。千萬別把她的手拉到她自己注意得到的地方。你雖然清楚她知道你握著她的手，可是你得裝出沒事的樣子，別露痕迹。那就是我的策略。至於佩斯利用戰爭和災禍的故事來博得她的歡心，正像把星期日的火車時刻表念給她聽一樣。那天的火車連新澤西州歐欣格羅夫之類的小地方也要停站的。

[歐欣格羅夫：新澤西州的濱海小鎮，當時人口只有三千左右。]

“有一晚，我先到長凳那兒，比佩斯利早了一袋煙的工夫。我的友誼出了一會兒毛病，我竟然問傑塞普太太是不是認為‘希’字要比‘傑’字好寫一點。她的頭立刻壓壞了我鈕扣孔里的夾竹桃，我也湊了過去——可是我沒有干。

“‘假如你不在意的話，’我站起來說，‘我們等佩斯利來了之後再完成這件事吧。到目前為止，我還沒有干過對不起我們朋友交情的事，這樣不很光明。’

“‘希克斯先生，’傑塞普太太說，她在黑暗裡瞅著我，神情有點異樣，‘如果不是另有原因的話，我早就請你走下山谷，永遠別來見我啦。’

“‘請問是什麼原因呢，夫人？’我問道。

“‘你既然是這樣忠誠的朋友，當然也能成為忠誠的丈夫，’她說。

“五分鐘之後，佩斯利也坐在傑塞普太太身邊了。

“‘一八九八年夏天，’他開始說，‘我在錫爾弗城見到吉姆·巴塞洛繆在藍光沙龍里咬掉了一個中國人的耳朵，起因只是一件橫條花紋的平布襯衫——那是什麼聲音呀？’

“我跟傑塞普太太重新做起了剛才中斷的事。

“‘傑塞普太太已經答應改姓希克斯了。’我說。‘這隻不過是再證實一下而已。’

“佩斯利把他的兩條腿盤在長凳腳上，呻吟起來。

“‘勒姆，’他說，‘我們已經交了七年朋友。你能不能別跟傑塞普太太吻得這麼響？以後我也保證不這麼響。’

“‘好吧，’我說，‘輕一點也可以。’

“‘這個中國人，’佩斯利繼續說，‘在一八九七年春天槍殺了一個名叫馬林的人，那是——’

“佩斯利又打斷了他自己的故事。

“‘勒姆，’他說，‘假如你真是個仗義的朋友，你就不該把傑塞普太太摟得那麼緊。剛才我覺得整個長凳都在晃。你明白，你對我說過，只要還有機會，你總是同我平分秋色的。’

“‘你這個傢伙，’傑塞普太太轉身向佩斯利說，‘再過二十五年，假如你來參加我和希克斯先生的銀婚紀念，你那個南瓜腦袋還認為你在這件事上有希望嗎？只因為你是希克斯先生的朋友，我才忍了好久；不過我認為現在你該死了這條心，下山去啦。’

“‘傑塞普太太，’我說，不過我並沒有喪失未婚夫的立場，‘佩斯利先生是我的朋友，只要有機會，我總是同他公平交易，利益均等的。’

“‘機會！’她說。‘好吧，讓他自以為還有機會吧；今晚他在旁邊看到了這一切，我希望他別自以為很有把握。’

“一個月之後，我和傑塞普太太在洛斯比尼奧的衛理公會教堂結婚了；全鎮的人都跑來看結婚儀式。

“當我們並排站在最前面，牧師開始替我們主持婚禮的時候，我四下里掃了一眼，沒找到佩斯利。我請牧師等一會兒。‘佩斯利尖這兒。’我說。‘我們非等佩斯得河。交朋友要交到老——泰勒馬格斯·希克斯就是這種人。’我說。傑塞普太太的眼睛里有點冒火；但是牧師根據我的吩咐，沒立即育讀經文。

“過了幾分鐘，佩斯利飛快地跑進過道，一邊跑，一邊還在安上一隻硬袖口。他說鎮上唯一的賣服裝的鋪關了門來看婚禮，他搞不到他所喜歡的上過漿的襯衫，只得撬開鋪子的後窗，自己取了一件。接著，他站到新娘的那一邊去，婚禮在繼續進行。我一直在琢磨，佩斯利還在等最後一個機會，盼望牧師萬一搞錯，替他同寡婦成親呢。

“婚禮結束后，我們吃了茶、羚羊肉乾和罐頭杏子，鎮上的居民便紛紛散去。最後同我握手的是佩斯利，他說我為人光明磊落，同我交朋友臉上有光。

“牧師在街邊有一幢專門出租的小房子；他讓我和希克斯太太佔用到第二天早晨十點四十分，那時候，我們就乘火車去埃爾帕索度蜜月旅行。牧師太太用蜀葵和毒藤把那幢房子打扮起來，看上去喜氣洋洋的，並且有涼亭的風味。

“那晚十點鐘左右，我在門口坐下，脫掉靴子涼快涼快，希克斯太太在屋裡張羅。沒有多久，裡面的燈熄了；我還坐在那兒，回想以前的時光和情景。我聽到希克斯太太招呼說：‘你就進來嗎，勒姆？’

“‘哎，哎！’我彷彿驚醒似地說。‘我剛才在等老佩斯利——’

“可是這句話還沒說完，”泰勒馬格斯·希克斯結束他的故事說，“我覺得彷彿有人用四五口徑的手槍把我這隻左耳朵打掉了。後來我才知道，那只是希克斯太太用掃帚把揍了一下。”